Back in the days when I was a Limbaugh Loving, Fox News Watching, Great Conservative American, I subscribed to a bunch of mailing lists. Of course, I found myself on many other lists that I HADN’T subscribed to, because those things are all incestuous.
For some reason, I never unsubscribed from those lists. This is a fact that at times has been a spamalicious pain in the ass. Other times, it’s amusing. In the case of Human Events though, it’s a spleen-ventingly hilarious experience. The email I received from Human Events yesterday had the subject line “Barack Obama: What you need to know”
What, you mean there’s something I haven’t learned about Barack Obama in the last two years? Wow. I must read this. Human Events says it’s DEVASTATING. The Big Media won’t report it, so it’s up to Human Events to tell us the TRUTH. WOW. I MUST READ THIS!
The email goes on to list four of the things that the Big Media won’t cover:
- The fact that a corrupt Chicago Machine politician “made a U.S. senator” out of Barack Obama
- How Barack Obama won his first election by having his lawyers knock all his opponents off the ballot on technicalities
- Obama’s support for a grotesque “infanticide” law that was too extreme even for Nancy Pelosi
- The Tony Rezko connection: “I’ve never done any favors for him,” says Obama about convicted developer Tony Rezko. Oh, but he has…
You see, the folks at Human Events have all this information on Barack Obama that is going to stop the Obama campaign in it’s tracks! It’s so earth-shattering, it’s going to destroy Obama, and give the election right over to John McCain! It’s absolutely VITAL that you have this information, and Human Events is about to put this damning evidence out there….for a price.
What?
Apparently, despite all the wonderfully spamalicious emails I get from Marquee Conservative names from Human Events, like Ann Coulter and Michael Reagan (incidentally, I have to ask: would you trust a stock tip given to you by Ann Coulter?), they’re just not rolling in the dough. To hear them tell it in this email, they’re “barely staying afloat”. Really? I suppose that they were hoping that the conservative base that reads Human Events might buy something from their spam mails. Memo to Thomas S. Winter: Conservatives, are by definition….conservative. Not really parting with the cash. Before you argue that point, it’s certianly better than hoping that the Bajillions of dollars earned by the Marquee Conservative names might…I dunno…trickle down?
Guess not.
Faced with such a financial problem, what to do? Anyone who places such a high priority on the truth would certainly want to make sure that this information gets out, right? At this very moment, there are literally MILLIONS of people ready to vote for Barack Obama, and some of them are Republicans! These people must be saved from themselves! America must be saved! We need Human Events to show us the way!
Nope. What they did was to pour a crapload into making 5,000 copies of their little Packet O’ Truth to deliver to folks at the Republican National Convention. Preaching to the converted? You bet! Folks ready to believe anything you tell them? Absolutely! Smart move? What, are you high? Not if you’re interested in getting the truth out there, especially if you’re barely staying afloat as Human Events purports to be.
So now, in order to help deliver this important TRUTH to the unwashed masses, they want donations. They’ll send you a copy of The Case Against Barack Obama by David Fredosso. It’s a NYT Bestseller, words that in this case translates directly to the words “institutional buying”. You can just see conservative organization, Human Events included, backing up stepvans and shoveling these books in by the cubic assload. Money, that as we have already mentioned, Human Events says it doesn’t really have. Nice to know that deficit spending exists outside of Government. Was it worth it, Tom? I may call you Tom, mayn’t I?
Of course, they’ll send you a copy of this evidence as soon as they can print some more. They want to make sure they have enough copies to give to major media outlets. Like Fox News and the New York Post, I imagine. Somehow, I doubt a box of this pamphlet being willingly sent to Media Matters.
This is why I love the word TRUTH. It’s different than the word FACT, in that facts simply ARE. Truth is a fact with color commentary.
In the end, that’s why Human Events chooses to preach to the saved. Their base–the folks they depend on for money–they already think that Obama is the Antichrist. They’re easy fish to hook. It’s one of the reasons that Fox News (or MSNBC, for that matter) is so popular with one side or the other. They report, you’ve already decided! I’m one of the 6 people on the planet that C-Span was made for, because I foolishly believe that a “No Spin Zone” requires that there not be any commentary by definition. What, Raw footage with no commentary? Where do I sign up?
Not Human Events, that’s for damn sure. That’s a fact I find strange, considering their base, and their likely relgious beliefs. Personally, I’m reminded of Matthew 9:13, “I am not come to call out the righteous, but the sinners to redemption”. This sinner, though, is here to call the bastards out. If there is such devastating news that will bring the Obama campaign in it’s tracks, then it is incumbent upon Human Events to release it. Widely, openly, and without expectation of profit.
However, since you’re in a money crunch, Mr. Winter, I’d like to help. I’ll gladly post the truth here at Left Of Center. That will cost you an email. Since this devastating truth will most likely result in a boatload of traffic, I’ll gladly foot the bill for the extra bandwidth your vital information is bound to generate. As you’re “barely staying afloat”, it’s the least I can do.
I suspect, however, that your devastating proof is nothing more than your version of the truth. Truth that has been classically and lovingly handtooled for maximum ROI from your right wing Conservative base. A base that probably sends you money by the bucketload, despite your statement to the contrary. Where I come from, that doesn’t make you a teller of truth. It makes you a snake oil salesman. A dot con artist.
A Liar.
Technorati Tags: Ann Coulter, Human Events, Obama, Republicans, Spam, Thomas S. Winter
Hi, I’m Nine, and I used to be a Republican and a Catholic. Now I’m an American. LOC isn’t so much of a statement about my political leanings as it is about how much of a wierdo I can be. 
