Look, I’ve got just a few minutes. The thing is, you Americans have been paying for information since before my fourth wife was just a tickle in her Daddy’s nutsack. Nowadays, your good ol’ American greenback doesn’t go as far as it used to. Just a year ago, I went to Yasir’s Tent Of Virgins, and I didn’t have enough money for my favorite girl to grant me the sacred rite of The Rear Sanctum. Actually let me be clear. I didn’t have Euros. I asked if I could pay him with American Dollars, and he chased me out of there, shoe in hand. Incase you’ve been in a hole for the past couple of weeks, that’s NOT good.
So, the CIA offered me a better deal. They pay me in Viagra. It’s a pretty lucrative business, actually. I give the CIA information about the Taliban, they hand me a sack of blue pills, I keep some for myself, barter a few hundred with the other chieftains in the neighborhood, and sell the rest online. Dollars, Euros, it all spends, baby! Capitalism may be a bad word in some parts of this sandtrap, but out here? Let’s just say I have this bitch LOCKED DOWN.
Look, I gotta go. Wife number 2 is expecting me, and I had to pencil her in after the big mistake a couple of weeks ago. You know Arab women, they all look the same under a burqa…
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