Left Of Center

Alright, goddamn it, by Blackberry has been ringing off the hook for a couple of weeks now, and it’s time I came out with a statement.

First off, that asshole and I are NOT related.  It’s really simple, people.  Governor Whatshisnuts was born in Chicago, I presume.  I, on the other hand, WAS BORN IN A FUCKING MOLD.  What part of “Plastics” did you not get, Benjamin Fucking Braddock?

Yeah, I get it.  I’ve got helmet hair, HE’S got helmet hair.  Yeah.  Very funny.   Brilliant.  I was very happy to live my existence in a box with a bunch of colored bricks, thinking I was some moron’s lasting tribute to Devo.   Yeah, thanks for ruining that fantasy, assclowns.  No, instead of being the innocent little dude driving the car, or standing in some Escher-acid-diaper filler inspired living room, No no no no.  Can’t have THAT, can we?  No, NOW I gotta be the little Lego dude on the take.  All I can say to that is a very well placed FUCK THAT.

I suggest that each and every one of you pantywaists in the press come out with a retraction on the quick.  There’s a billion of us out there.  Chances are, we’re in your KIDS’ ROOM.  What, thought you got us all when you’re kids moved out, went to college?  Fat fucking chance.  We’re LEGOS.  WE GET LOST.

Or, do we?  Just sayin’.  I wouldn’t want certain information about you idiots to get leaked to the press.  Oh, yeah.  What?  Your kids leave us out in the damn hallway, for Christ’s sake.  The Mrs. steps right over us in her morning robe. Yup, you got it.  Terabytes of upskirts.  And by the way,  some of you guys?  Yeah, keep driving that SUV, dudes.  It’s obvious you’re overcompensating. We have evidence.

We’re prepared to escalate this for as long as it takes.  Ever step on a Lego in bare feet?  On the stairs?  Yeah.  Our bad.  Chumps.

Retraction.  Now.  Or we start fucking with your lives.  You’re gonna wake up with eight little circles enbedded in your friggin foreheads tomorrow morning.  Think of it as a shot across the bow.  We mean business.

Oh, and I want that cocksucker drawn and quartered.  Slowly.   Fuck Him.  Fuck him right in the ear.

Man, I gotta score some blow.  What, how else do you think I keep this goofy ass smile on my face?

Peace out, asshats.

Technorati Tags: blagojevich, Chicago, Collecting, Kids and Teens, Lego, Living room, Recreation, Sport utility vehicle, Toys